The Traitors Australia Episode 1 review – There are several perfectly respectable ways to welcome 22 Australians to a television program.
You could offer champagne. You could introduce them to the manor. You could allow them to place their luggage somewhere safe.
Or you could eliminate Cameron Merchant before he even gets through the door.
The Traitors Australia chooses violence.
Within moments, the Married at First Sight star is gone, the remaining contestants are rattled and Gretel Killeen has made it abundantly clear that this will not be a relaxing country getaway.
One contestant down. Nobody has unpacked. Excellent.
SPOILER WARNING: This review reveals the identities of the Traitors and the first contestant eliminated. Trust no one – especially the paragraphs below.
Gretel Killeen owns the manor
Then comes the entrance.
Four masked figures carry a coffin towards the contestants, stand it upright and open the door. Out steps Gretel Killeen in a magnificent gown drenched in fake blood, looking like she has just attended a very elegant murder and may know considerably more about it than she is willing to disclose.
It is extravagant, ridiculous and absolutely perfect.
With another host, the moment might have looked like a school production that received an unexpected costume grant. Gretel makes it glamorous, wicked and entirely reasonable.
From her opening commentary, she is deliciously cheeky, darkly funny and magnificently antagonistic. She can make an instruction sound threatening, an elimination sound entertaining and someone’s growing panic sound like a lovely little bonus.
Most importantly, she understands the joke.
The Traitors asks us to take cloaks, coffins, shields, banishments and breakfast-table disappearances very seriously. Gretel commits completely while maintaining the faint expression of someone who knows this is all gloriously absurd.
She does not merely host the manor. She appears to own it, haunt it and feed gently upon the paranoia of its occupants.
Famous to someone
The cast is introduced as they travel towards the manor, which will undoubtedly lead some viewers to ask, “Who the hell are these people?”
Several contestants appear to be wondering the same thing.
But fame is a matter of viewing habits.
Anyone who watched the first season of Australian Idol, when it attracted millions of viewers and temporarily became a national religion, will immediately recognise Cosima De Vito and Ian “Dicko” Dickson.
Fans of Australian Survivor, The Bachelor, Love Island, Married at First Sight, Big Brother, Drag Race Down Under and the Real Housewives franchise will recognise plenty of others. Comedy audiences will know Rhys Nicholson.
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They are not famous to everyone, but nobody is. Dicko probably remains completely anonymous in homes that watch nothing except Scandinavian crime dramas.
The fact that half the cast does not appear to recognise the other half only makes the introductions funnier.
Meet the murder committee
After the blindfolds are fitted, Gretel secretly selects three Traitors: Kirby Bentley, Alvin Quah and Alex Nation.
It is an intriguing combination.
Kirby arrives with a strong strategic reputation from Australian Survivor, making her both perfectly suited to the role and immediately vulnerable to suspicion.
Alvin is the wonderfully unexpected choice. Warm, expressive and naturally charming, he looks more likely to offer someone a beautifully prepared meal than quietly arrange their death before breakfast.
That may be precisely what makes him dangerous.
Alex, meanwhile, has the social awareness to connect with people without constantly pulling focus. She may initially appear the least threatening of the three, which is usually an excellent quality in someone secretly plotting murder.
Together, they form a charming little assassination committee.
Nothing builds a new friendship quite like selecting which housemate will disappear overnight.
Luke’s face confesses to a crime he did not commit
Once the blindfolds come off, everyone begins studying everyone else for evidence.
They have none.
This does not slow them down.
Luke Packham turns so dramatically red that suspicion immediately falls upon him. Unfortunately for the newly formed detective squad, Luke is a Faithful.
His face has simply confessed to a crime the rest of him did not commit.
It is one of the episode’s funniest moments and a perfect demonstration of the investigative standards inside the manor.
Looking nervous means you are a Traitor. Looking calm means you are definitely a Traitor. Behaving normally is perhaps the most suspicious thing of all.
Shields, secrets and terrible decisions
The first mission allows the contestants to build the prize pot while searching for shields that protect them from murder.
Some players find a shield and immediately tell their group. Others keep it secret.
Both choices are potentially clever. Both choices are potentially disastrous.
That is the beauty of this game: almost anything can later be presented as evidence of treachery.
Tell everyone and you may help the Traitors select another victim. Conceal it and you look deceptive. Explain yourself too clearly and somebody will decide you rehearsed it.
Trust is already dying beautifully.
Kween Kong sees too much
Kween Kong emerges as one of the most observant Faithfuls, displaying remarkably strong instincts about who may have been selected.
This is excellent news for the Faithfuls.
It is considerably less excellent news for Kween.
Being intelligent in The Traitors is a dangerous habit. The Traitors are unlikely to waste a murder on someone confidently accusing the wrong people when they could instead remove a contestant who is actually paying attention.
By the end of the episode, the first murder appears to have come down to Kween or Dicko. One is dangerously observant; the other is direct, influential and likely to appoint himself chairman of the breakfast table by Thursday.
The victim is not revealed, leaving the episode on a wonderfully cruel cliffhanger.
Verdict
The opening episode of The Traitors Australia is fast, funny and gloriously over-the-top.
It gives us an elimination before anyone reaches the front door, three intriguing Traitors, shields, secrets, terrible theories and one innocent man betrayed by his own circulation.
The cast brings enough personality and strategic experience to suggest the paranoia will not require much encouragement. Kirby, Alvin and Alex make a compelling Traitor trio, while Kween has already established herself as someone far too perceptive for her own safety.
But the premiere belongs to Gretel Killeen.
She is witty, wicked, theatrical and completely at home surrounded by coffins, masked figures and fake blood. Her return to a major reality television hosting role is not merely welcome – it gives this season its identity.
The Faithfuls may eventually discover the Traitors.
But this manor already belongs to Gretel.
The Traitors Australia premiered Tuesday, 4 August at 7.30pm on Channel 10 and 10 Streaming. Visit TV Central’s Channel 10 section for more coverage, or watch the series through the official The Traitors page on 10.
